The brighter side of my darkness

I've been away far too long to even know what to start catching people up on, so I'll spare the lengthy stuff and jump right into the knee high crap I've been going through. Over this past month and a half I have lost a boyfriend who I loved dearly, almost had to evacuate my house do to unexpected wild fires, almost lost one of my best friends in a major trucking accident, and my grandmother passed away. Call me crazy but this is a lot for one person to handle in a month...especially me.

All that I've been going through has made me realize a lot about life and the importance of family and friends. Although along with those great realizations come harsh realities as well. I try my best every day to be a strong person and keep my life moving in the right direction. Unfortunately some days I'm overwhelmed by loss and pain, leaving little motivation to see the brighter side of things. Tough I like to believe everything will be okay and life will move on, my empty broken heart sometimes tells me otherwise.

All I can do now is try to find ways to move forward from all this. Everyday I will be reminded of the things that once made me happy, which now tare my heart and soul apart. Slowly and over time I will rise from all of this. So the brighter side of my darkness is that sometimes you realize more about yourself and life when the light is taken off of you for a minute. Getting back to the light is the challenging part...

A Letter

My Love,

Though you may not receive this letter I thought I would share this moment in my life with someone. The feeling inside of me can never be explained through words. I'm not even sure how this came to be. Although our time together here has been limited, I know we've known each other a great while longer in life times before. When I look at you I see something that no one else is capable of seeing. I see your soul, something that is so familiar to me it hurts. Unfortunately in this life time I don't think it's meant to be between us, in fact it may be the lifetime our souls finally part. This may be one of many possibilities though.

My love for you is so strong I can barely stand to live some days. I knew it was love when I found a way to forgive you for every little thing you might of said or done wrong. I know you've had a hard life. I know your lost and scared. I just wish you would trust the good in your life so you could turn what has been so bad into something that can be so good. You are a good person, I know you are. Watching you be so destructive and uncaring hurts my heart so much. I think and worry about you all the time. I used to think my love for you was so great that nothing would be able to defeat it and that some way I would be able to save you. Sadly that all works differently.

There is no possible way that I could love you more than I do now. This unfortunately doesn't help my situation. I must leave your fate up to something greater than my love now. I cannot go on hoping that one day you will be cured of all your fears and pain. I will soon be self destructive too and lose control of my own life. Then two great things would be lost. I hope that you soon find the right path and become what I know you can become.

I cannot predict what the future holds for you and I both, but this is where I am now. No matter what happens I will always love you and wish you the best.

You're in my heart.

Always,
Me.