So theres a boy...

A month or so ago I met this guy. Immediately I was attracted to his promiscuous eyes and his very boyish and very cute smile. He is a friend of a friend. I met him at a local night club. Not exactly my first choice to meet someone that could potentially be more to me later but, why not. Two weeks ago I saw him again. My friend, he, and I all hung out. The night went good, we all had a few drinks and were just being social butterflies. By the end of the night I saw that he seemed to be getting a little more curious. This left me wondering whether or not I should pursue anything...

A couple of days after that night at the club I decided to play Myspace detective and find him. With no struggle at all, do to my great Myspace stalking abilities, I found him and messaged him. I invited him to be my friend and asked if he was going to the club on that next Saturday. I later got a response with great interest and he said he would like to hang out again at the club. I didn't talk to him again until the night we were to meet at the club. I checked my Myspace from the club and he had left me his cell phone number. I text him to see if he was coming and he replied with,"yes shortly, see you there." I like the little girl that I am, got all excited and awaited his attendance. He ended up stopping by but only for a short while. He was with some friends from work that were straight and had never been to a gay club before. It was fun introducing them to the scene. While I was dancing with a couple of my good friends that I went with, I noticed he was gone. I checked my phone for any text messages and sure enough there was a message that said he had to leave and that he would talk to me later. I was bummed but it was all good because I had a good buzz going and I just went back to dancing.

The next day he text me in the morning while he was at work. Then a little later he called me. It was Labor Day weekend and he invited me to go to his co-workers BBQ. I was a little sketchy because I didn't know him all that well and thought that his co-workers BBQ may be a little intimate for me for a first real going out experience. With some doubts still in my mind I decided to say screw it and told him that I will go. I ended up having a really good time with him and had fun socializing with all his friends. It was funny though because everyone kept on assuming that we were together and "J" and I just laughed about it and didn't correct anyone, it was kind of cute.

(J would be the boy I've been talking about just incase you didn't already figure that out...just wanted to clarify)

Another funny twist to this BBQ story is that J also came to meet his co-workers neighbors because they were getting rid of Chihuahua puppies and J was going to take one home. ("Oh great...this thing better not piss in my car...yeah I drove.") The people came with the dog and gave it to him. He is the cutest Chihuahua ever. Heres were it gets funny. Everyone there started looking at J and I telling us both how cute "OUR" dog was and that he is going to sleep so comfortably in between the two of us. Oh my god...at this point I could only laugh and go with it for sure. These drunk bitches think we're together and hey! We have a fucking Chihuahua now! Great! I looked in the sky while we were out on the patio smoking hoping a rescue helicopter would fly by and drop one of those latters down so my ass could climb the fuck out of doggy dodge.

To tell you the truth though, it was not that bad. I was a little nervous that’s all. Ultimately I'm glad I went and I had a good time. To speed this story up a little bit, pretty much after that night we've seen each other every single day. Things are moving along nicely I think. It's safe to say that we are "seeing" each other now but are not exclusive.

This past Friday we went on our first official date which did not include animal give always and really gay friends with big imaginations. In my opinion, it was the best date I ever had. This boy took me to see a play at the Old Town Theatre. It was a comedy/musical. It was so freakin funny I was laughing my ass off the whole time. I was so impressed by his creativity in choosing this to do on our date. It made me like him so much more. After the play we went to the Whaley House in Old Town which is a historical museum that is haunted. The house was build in or around 1856 and family members of the house were murdered inside and on the surrounding property. It was definitely a cool experience. We walked around Old Town some more after that and then took a drive over to Coronado, a small city in San Diego that is an island connected by a long blue bridge. It was so nice, we took a walk on the bay and sat and talked on a concrete wall that was right in front of the water. Across the bay was a breath taking view of all of downtown San Diego. This is how we saw it. It was awesome and romantic :) And did I mention he picked me a flower! How cute is that?!?!

Although there are still some uncertainties and curiosities, I am taking it slow and just enjoying life. We'll see where this goes and if it does how it goes. Thanks for letting me share this with you all. Wish me luck and check back for updates :)

Gary

"Out"... A short gay story.

(My ass with pride stickers on each butt cheek. This picture does me no justice:i)

The past week has been life changing for me and has opened up a whole new chapter in my life. These are the events that took place this week that I will never forget.

Let's start with last weekend, Saturday July 22nd. Tonight will be my first night "out" in a public place where I won't be hiding my true identity. I am going to a gay club with Emily and two of my newest gay friends C and J. They are boyfriends. I mentioned "C" in an earlier post. We went to a club in Hillcrest which is San Diego's gay capital. At first I was a little nervous but soon loosened up when I got a few drinks down.
With a good buzz going C and I hit the dance floor and began dancing while J and Emily stayed on the sidelines to chat. They're not big dancers, although Emily is getting more comfortable with her moves...lol ;) Later on that night when the club started getting busier there were more people dancing and I of course was a little more intoxicated. As a result of this, guys started coming up to me from all directions and started dancing with me. This was my first time dancing with another guy. I became comfortable almost instantly and had a blast. C and J left pretty early, so it was up to Emily and I to finish off the night with more great dancing and people meeting. I was getting freaky with a couple other guys the rest of time there and Emily found her a nice lady friend to dance with. It was a great and exciting night and won't be forgotten.

Wednesday July 26th

With overpowering thoughts of denial and fear going through my head stronger than ever, I decide that I need to do something. I found out that Pride is this weekend and told Emily I would go with her. It would be a first for both of us. Lately I have been more comfortable with things and have been getting closer and closer to letting the truth out. After intense thinking and wanting to go to gay pride with a clear conscious, I decided to come out to everyone before I go to pride.

This morning I told my mother I was gay. It was really hard for me to spit it out and just tell her, but when it was done everything was fine. (I knew it would be) We sat down and talked for like an hour. My mother is the coolest ever. I felt a million times better just letting her know.

Thursday July 27th

With Pride approaching fast and not a lot of time to spare, I decided to let everyone else in on the big secret. This was all the rest of my immediate friends. I wanted to do it fast and cover everyone at once, so I decided to do it the 2006 way and I sent a massive text message to everyone. 28 messages total, because each message was four cell phone pages long. It was Thursday morning at like 0730 in the morning. I knew it would throw off everyone’s day, hahaha that’s why I enjoyed it so much. I got nothing but the best responses that I ever imagined getting. I am truly lucky to have all the kind and supportive friends that I do.

Friday July 28th ~ Pride Kick Off Party

Tonight is the kick off night for pride weekend. All the clubs are doing promotional parties for the event. Emily and I headed to Numbers one of the local clubs in the Hillcrest area. Tonight was also lesbian night...every Friday. So...I did it for Emily and that’s about it. There was like no men in the freakin club at all. To make things more interesting though, we brought my best friend V who is straight. HAHA wow this is great, first time to a gay club and hey! It’s lesbian night! My friend was thrilled ;) I had a really good time and got to show my best friend how I shake my booty. I feared only about half the night that I may get my but kicked by a big mean looking lesbian...man some of these chicks look like body guards! No thanks. We stayed till the club closed of course, then headed to the late night drive-thru and went home.

Saturday July 29th ~ Pride Day 1

After a very long and eventful night at the club and after only sleeping like four hours, we headed back out to Pride. All of us felt like shit the whole morning and most of the afternoon from drinking the night before. Parking in this city was absolutely impossible. We had to park like ten blocks just from the beginning of the parade. This really sucked. After walking a million miles from the car to the parade, it was another umm… I don't know? twenty blocks until we reached the pride festival. Yeah I know...my ass was tired after all that shit. The parade was cool, we just walked the whole route stopping every once in a while to watch the hot sexy guys in thongs dancing upon brightly colored floats. There were some anti-gay protesters there that were clearly out numbered by gay people that were holding signs that said stupid shit like "Homo sex is a sin" and my personal favorite, " Homosexuality is a threat to national security". Sorry but we're not the one's that are the threat to national security.

After many miles of walking and wanting to just die, we finally made it to the festival. It was like homo heaven. Inside besides all the hot ass people were tents of food, beer gardens, political bull crap, porn promotions, lube/condom stands, jewelry, and many other LGBT type things. We spent the whole day walking around and around this place admiring the people and enjoying all the diversity. My best friend V was with us again and was enjoying all the really hot guys with no shirts on. "They don't even seem to be gay!?, if I saw them walking down the street I would have never guessed." This is what V was telling me. She learned a good lesson that day, it was like homo 101 for her. After walking around for several hours we decided to get some drinks and sit in the grass and listen to a very interesting performance by an unknown urban rock/rap group. Then there was a woman who performed after them that sounded like she ate her diary from high school and threw it up into the microphone. Yeah. That was exciting. With all of us feeling sick and tired from being up all day and night, we called it a day at the park and started our long journey on foot back to the car. Well on foot was the original plan. After walking a couple blocks I decided for all of us that we needed to have one of those bicycle taxi dudes peddle our asses back as close to the car as possible. We all piled in to one and it was so tight that Emily had one ass cheek on each of our knees. I told her she looked like she was a star in the parade because she was sitting so high, lol. Yay! We made it back to the car and headed for some food then home.

Later that night...

After regrouping at my house for just a short while, we had already made plans to return to the club for some more Pride celebrating. Emily took like a 30 min. nap and I really wanted to but didn't get a chance to. I stayed up importing pictures from the day on to my computer. V had school early Sunday morning so she didn't return to the club with us.
Emily and I returned to the club around 0930-1000pm and started getting our drink on. She was driving so she had to drink responsibly, "bless your cotton socks" Emily. I returned to my drunken self quite fast because I downed four mixed drinks down in like less than an hour. Yikes! I normally don't do that but I was ready to make up for the lovely lesbian fest from the night before. I must say that I got pretty down and dirty on the dance floor. Something just came over me and I completely lost control. I have to say that yes there was some lip locking going on and yes with three different guys, I know I'm a club slut right? Also, because I know if you don't hear it here, you'll hear from Emily...yes I some how ended up with a hicky on my neck. How did that happen? :p For everyone’s information I did not take anything farther then that and I was responsible. So the time at the club was going strong all night and we had a great time.

Time to go home though. After the club closed we followed our new routine and hit the drive-thru and went home to sleep, for a couple hours anyways...

Sunday July 30th ~ Pride Day 2

Well what the hell do you know? We're going back to Pride today. At this point sleep is just optional. I have not rested my body in like four days and I am surprised I have not passed out yet. Emily and I both agreed to play it low key today. We made it back to the festival at around one in the afternoon which was a little more reasonable. Today we walked around and had funnel cake, yummy! After eating and relaxing a little bit, we headed for the piercer. That’s right, I said piercer. Emily the impulse person decided to get her tongue pierced. I was excited for her and took pictures to document the whole experience. You can see them here. Later on my friend S and one of her friends from work B came to meet us. We went to the beer gardens with them first and had a cocktail and talked. After walking around some more and eating again we finally called it a gay weekend and went home.

I hope you all enjoyed the little gay adventure and I look forward to telling you more about my new experiences.

Life is finally okay for me now.
~Gary

Super Sexy

Last Friday Betty and I went and saw Superman Returns. Five stars from me! The movie was great, and even if it wasn't I still would have thought it was great. Superman is a "super" hunk :)

So aside from the super hero business, my life has just been peachy. I am in the middle of a seven day in a row streak with work and I am coming close to loosing my freaking head. Thank god I will be taking a three day weekend off at the end of all this chaos.

This brings me to my next topic of rather pointless conversation. This weekend my "boy" friend is taking my out to do a little club'n. Not just any oh club'n either...no no. Homo club'n. Yes! it is going to be my official first time in a gay bar and I am rather gung ho about the whole thing. I think it will go smoothly. I like to dance already and with a few drinks in me I'll be good to go ;) He may be bringing his boy friend with him which is cool because I've been waiting to meet him. Either way we will have a good time, and I won't be working.

This whole working a million hour thing and barely having a life thing pretty much sucks sometimes. I was telling a friend not to long ago that it would all seem so much better if I had someone to come home to. It's just so depressing coming home to an empty apartment. It would be nice to have that special someone to compare crapy days with and snuggle up with on the couch and watch reruns of classic sitcoms....stuff like that. Well hopefully it won't be like this for much longer because I'm single and ready to mingle, lol. I'm so lame.

Well enough is enough. I'm going to bed now.

Feeling Confident...

Hello! It's been a while since I've blogged and I am back with some turn of events. First I would like to address my friends who have recently been informed of my big secret. I hope you guys understand the emotions behind not being able to reveal my true self all this time. I know you will respect me now for coming clean and can hopefully help me on my way to being completely free.

Lately I have been more comfortable in my skin. I have been trying to act more like "me" and trying not to hold back anything. I've finely come to terms with myself and have decided that I am who I am and that's that. Why should I have to pretend anymore? I still have a few more things left to do as far as coming all the way out goes. I still have to do the "parent talk", which I'm soooo not looking forward to, even though it may go the smoothest out of all the people I tell.

There is someone new in my life that has been a great influence on me lately and has really helped me see things about myself that I never could before. I will of course not be disclosing his name on here but I can tell you a little about him. I met him online (give me a chance to explain...Don't go rolling your eyes) He is close friends with someone I used to work with when I was sixteen. I have been talking to him online off and on for about a year now and finally met him in person a couple months ago. First I would like to say how attractive this boy is, wow. Unfortunately he is taken. Just gives me something harder to work for I guess :p. Anyways, moving along. He has given me good insight on being a young gay man and has made my future look not so bad anymore. I am grateful for him and lucky to have him as a friend. You'll hear more about him later I'm sure.

So basically I am progressing very nicely and hopefully will soon be able to overcome all my fears and be as happy as I'm supposed to be. Right now I am working my tail off at a job that I very much like, so all is well there. I will be returning to school this fall with the greatest attempt to complete some classes ever. You know what I'm talking about if you know me in person or if you've read from another of my posts. I think that is all I have to report at the moment but will for sure be updating more frequently.

Until next time, take care...

just crap

Today I dropped yet another class. It has come to my attention that I will never graduate from college. I really don't know why I can ever finish a damn class. This is like the fourth time I have started and stopped a class. I always get caught up in stress or a crazy work schedule and find some stupid reason not to go to school. I don't know what I am going to do with my self. There are so many things that I am interested in and that are so worth going to school for, but I just don't have what it takes to take on a full time job and school right now. There's a lot I need to clean off my plate before I can put anything else on it and I know that, but how long will it be until I can do it?

Changing "subjects" now, it has been a lovely morning in my humble home. Let me just share with you how things have been going. After working three eight hour shifts basically in a row, I finally managed to make it home alive to sleep. When I awoke from my much needed slumber I got up and looked around not knowing where I was only to notice the clock and find that I had been asleep for about twenty hours straight. No wonder why my bladder was full and neck was sore. So what do you do at three in the morning when you're the only one in the neighborhood awake you ask? Make a bagel and turn on the Olympics.

About two and a half hours after sitting and enjoying a very exciting match of Men's Curling between Great Britain and USA, I decided to go take I shower to warm myself up. Let me just stop real quickly and explain how freaken cold it is in my house. A damn polar bear would think my house was cold. So, when I finally got in the shower I awaited the warmest greatest feeling a hot shower can deliver only to find that the 1970 plumbing in this stupid house was acting up and gave me barely bearable water temperature for a shower. I was shivering when I got out. Thank you very much, I now have an pneumonia.

After my shower I greeted my roommate who had just returned from work and decided to share a quick snack with her which had absolutely no nutritional value what so ever. Corn chips and cheese dip for breakfast baby. After she fell asleep, I made my way over to the computer to check my email and saw that I only had like twenty five minutes to get to class. My initial intentions were to make it to class today until I got in my car and saw that I had no gas. By the time I would have made it to school after stopping and getting gas I would had been totally late. New plan of action... get gas and star bucks and go back home. Pitiful I know.

Now I sit here writing about crap in-between loads of laundry that I needed to do before work tonight. I promise you I'm so more responsible with everything else in my life other than school. Like I said, I just can't do it right now and have to work on some personal issues before I can take on any more loads. Hopefully I will soon be able to get over my fears and come out to the world and finally be able to call it "truths" with myself. When this happens I will finally be able to breath and really start living. It's going to take time but I am working on it.

the road to freedom starts here...

Hi my name is Gary. I am an alcoholic. Just kidding, I'm really not an alcoholic. Although I am gay. I am here to take you on a fun filled journey of getting to know myself. Sounds like fun right? What else do have to do other than reading about other peoples problems? That's what I thought...

I am in my early 20's and am finally realizing that yes I am gay and maybe I should start excepting it. I'm pretty sure I've known from a young age that I wasn't like other boys. There was just something too fun about playing dress up with my sisters Barbies when I was little. Thanks for being there for me Barbie ;)

I think as soon as I hit my teenage years is when I really started denying the fact that I was gay. I didn't share some of the same interest in girls as some of my "boy" friends did and always kept my comments to myself on the subject of them. During my school years I had mostly "girl" friends and very few guy friends. For this I was labeled a fag or queer. This was the beginning of an indestructible shell I would soon find my self hiding in.

Growing up had to be the worst experience of my life. My childhood and adolescent years made me become very insecure about myself and caused a whirl of personal battles I had to overcome to make it through my teenage life alive. Despite the obstacles, I finally made it through high school, even though it was through an alternative route it was definitely an accomplishment.

Today I'm over most of my personal battles and actually turned out alright. Out of all the things I went through I ended up with good morals and the ability to make smart decisions. Right now I am at a junior college continuing my general education courses in hopes that one day I'll actually finish and move on to another school. I have a very respectable job that pays decent and that I'm happy to work for. I would rather not reveal any specifics, but it involves health care.

The only battle I have left to fight is the one that counts the most. Accepting who I really am and not being afraid to do it. I have been thinking about this a lot lately and really want to start making noticeable progress. Only a few of my close friend know the "real me" and I would soon like to make that everyone.

So I see this blog as a big cyber shoulder to cry on when I have nobody to talk to and a place to vent and get things out of my system when I need to.

More to come...